Being Single Is NOT A Death Sentence!

I feel like I’ve touched on this before, it’s still relevant though!

Now that the colder months are in full swing, it is not uncommon to see a higher number of people pairing off…seeking warmth for the long, cold, fall & winter nights ahead. Some might refer to it as cuffing season. (Click HERE for in depth definition.)

While all this is well and good, I take issue with the fact that people who are single (like me) consistently get the “oh-I’m-so-sorry-you’re-all-alone” face every time someone asks about the status of my love life. I know I am not alone in this!

Here’s an example. I was speaking with someone who shall remain nameless, discussing life and the way things are progressing since graduation. I talked about still looking for a job to jump start my career, etc. The other person was very encouraging…but when I was asked about my relationship status, I felt like the whole world had stopped and I was one of the kids on the “Feed The Children” commercials. I felt like I had been stricken with some kind of sickness, and become everyone’s charity case! The look of pity that I received was more annoying than the entire conversation itself. I wound up walking away, but it caused me to think.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but relationships can bring drama. They are a FULL TIME JOB. Being so overly concerned about the happiness of another person can lead you to forget about your own, and right now, I’m not down for all of that.

Conversely, I am aware that there are positive things about being in a relationship as well…we all see those! The companionship is one of the greatest gifts. But right now, I’m content with my friends. One part of growing up, is being able to learn about yourself. I have found that the time that I spend alone, is some of the most enriching. Your singlehood is an opportunity for you to learn, grow, and improve…so that once that special person does come along, you save the drama that comes with insecurity. When you’re confident, no one can check you.

Plus, no one said that being single meant you can’t date. And if you’re cold, just buy a Snuggie.

All that being said…here are 5 ways to embrace your single status…

  1. Say yes to every opportunity to learn, grow and meet new people.
  2. Be grateful for what you have. You could feel sorry for yourself, or you can focus on what you do have! For example, good health and a good support system of family and friends.
  3. Don’t be afraid to invest yourself in deep relationships with other people. You don’t have to be dating somebody to have a intimate and fulfilling relationship with them. Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable sometimes.
  4. Decide for yourself if there are aspects of your life or your personality that you would like to change and do it. You are your best evaluator. You don’t need to listen to those people who tell you that you are single because you are too “picky”, too fat,or too old to meet someone else.
  5. Ignore the toxic people in your life. It is easy to recognize them. Their negative words of fear and discouragement sap your energy.
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4 thoughts on “Being Single Is NOT A Death Sentence!”

  1. Pretty Brown Girl- I LOVE THIS POST! I too embrace being single seeing as I have never had a real relationship at this point in my life. I tell everyone that when I am ready to “build” something of value “with” someone else, I will open myself up to a relationship. Because let’s face it… bringing another person into your life plans is difficult. It’s not something that can be done until we are ready!

    Thanks for reminding me of that!

    LB

  2. I totally hear you about the toxic people. And I have a partner, but I envy my family members who are swinging singles and truly enjoying life and total freedom to travel and do whatever they want. The criticism never ends though – when you’re with someone they still ask when you’re getting married….and when you’re married they want to know why no kids…it’s just so frustrating to live up to all these norms.

    these days I relish solitude and just reading in silence…it’s pure joy 🙂 Alone is not a bad thing even though society tries to make it out to be.

  3. My one disagreement with this: Don’t ignore the toxic people–get rid of them. There is no reason to let them hang around. Eventually some of their negativity will seep in, whether you’re ignoring them or not. There’s no use for toxic waste. 😀

    I agree with you that singlehood is a time to discover more about yourself, and that you should only be in a relationship because you want to be and not because it’s getting cold or you’re getting old or everyone else has paired off. I was truly single for most of my life. I’ve been in a relationship for three years now, and I can’t tell you how happy I am that I didn’t just get in a relationship because of what others were doing. The drama that other people had is not present in my relationship, and that’s worth the wait.

  4. two things that I love about this blog:

    1)…Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable sometimes.

    and

    2) Ignore the toxic people in your life. It is easy to recognize them. Their negative words of fear and discouragement sap your energy.

    very important points that don’t need any expansion..

    Great Piece my fellow Pretty Brown Girl

    https://lifeasjosephine.wordpress.com

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