You Are What You Say You Are

Every week, without fail, I come across something that could be considered a negative or a knock against something a woman is doing, or incapable of doing. Whether it be in my daily trek across the world wide web, or some report on the news, There is not a week that goes by that something doesn’t come up and try to block some girl’s shine.

In past times, I was the girl who would get riled up over the ignorant statements of lame-duck rappers, and other random male “experts” who had anything to say about women and the way we conduct our daily lives. Because…hello! Guys just don’t seem to understand how hard we have it! We’re held up to impossible standards because of what’s presented in the media. We’re constantly told we “can’t be” whatever because we’re too fat, or too skinny, or because we don’t look a certain way, or simply because we have ovaries and tend to openly express our emotions…thus making us the weaker of the two sexes. [insert sarcasm here]

Specifically, as women of color, we take extra blows to our ego, whether it be our complexions, decisions on the way we manage and style our hair, the size of our hips, butt, thighs and whatever else can be scrutinized. I mean, we have heard it all. And while some of these things may be true, at what point do we stop internalizing them?

While watching a trailer for a forthcoming documentary called “Dark Girls” I found myself feeling sick after the first 3 minutes. By the end of the clip, I was just mad. Not so much about the issues that the ladies recounted in their interviews, but more so at the thought of the adverse effects this clip might have on any little girl who may see it. What happens to the child who, before seeing this, never thought anything was wrong with the way she looked? Does she become self-conscious and then take on a feeling of inferiority? Or vice versa. I am in no way denying that the struggle is real. We are all faced with challenges daily, some of those hurdles are placed in front of us based on things that we have no control over, but that does not change the fact that we allow things to get under our skin and alter our perception of life too easily.

Anyone can try to sell you anything. But you don’t have to buy it. That same concept can be applied to the media. You believe what you want to believe. At the end of the day, the only person that you should be listening to about who you are is God (if you believe) and yourself. As people, we have the power to bring things to pass with the power of speech and belief. But if you’re always on the negative, you’ll never see a positive result. If you truly believe you aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, or strong enough, then you aren’t and you won’t be. That is, until you change your mindset.

You are what you say you are. So what are you saying about yourself today?


4 thoughts on “You Are What You Say You Are”

  1. Hello Andrea

    Your blog states so much truth on how misunderstood the challenges girls and women have to endure just because we are female. Not including some of the other issue you list. It has always been my opinion that we do carry the larger  load of holding it all together, we hold down all or some of these roles, mother, wife, grandmother, employee, homemaker, daughter, sister, friend and on top of that we have thrown up in our face daily by society, through TV, movies, magazines, keeping up with the jones ( but most of all letting ourselves buy into it all) and even sometimes our significant others demand or believe the same unrealistic standards.
    Mind you I am surely not complaining about things I should be doing, but it all can get a little stressful sometimes.  My believe in God has kept me strong and given me the strength to and courage to make it through the rough times, accomplish some goals and enjoy the blessing in my life and to be thankful for them.

    My hope is that we women could, as challenging as it may seem at times, that we could embrace how beautiful, resourceful, loving, and fun we are and to support each other in that. To smile at one another and compliment each other, heck encourage one another!!!! And let society, a man or anyone else tel you what you aren’t!!! Let who you think you are, come out, into action a little more everyday you live. 

    I may be getting off the topic some here, so this could be a whole new discussion.

    But reading your blog made me think about little girls like myself who did not have, from the day they were born, someone look them in their eyes into their very soul; with love and joy; happy that they were born and tell them you are special to me, you are a blessing, I love you. To me the foundation of self-esteem starts there in the arms of the person(s) who were blessed if they know it or not to raise you a human being a child of God. If you are blessed and believe as I did and at a early age prayed to God for help and guidance and latched on to the good people who came into your life for a short time you will be ok. Along with all the above issues of being a women, their are many little girls who are now women who still feel like that little girl who never felt special from the beginning as a child, rarely did child like things, to grow into an adult still longing for the little girl that never was.

    Thank you God for being You!!!

    A little addition a shout out to all the husbands and boy friends who do give a helping hand, thanks guys. Special thanks to my love & my children who have loved and supported me.

  2. This my friend, is an epic fail. Not you, nor this post, but this documentary. As a brown skinned woman myself, I’ve grown up always finding my skin color to be beautiful. Family members would tell me that, plus random people or guys that I’ve dated–the only skin issue you can say I had is my mom wished I was darker (not really a big issue) WHY DO PEOPLE DO THESE DOCUMENTARIES OR ARTICLES BASED ON A FEW WOMEN WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM? They make these people speak for our whole race.. like really? I’m pretty sure there are more women confident with their race and their coloring than not.

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