I’ve come to a conclusion. According to a few definitions, I like corny guys. Is this problematic? (Let it be known that I don’t really care how you answer that.) I’ve talked about it before, but, I am 100% down for a really good guy. Apparently though, according to the world around me…that’s not a good thing.
Dictionary.com defines corny as “trite, banal or mawkishly sentimental.” Urban Dictionary’s top definition of the same word reads “trying to be cool, but ultimately very uncool indeed, and often even extremely embarrassing” Both of those definitions are extremely subjective. It’s all about perception and situation. What’s “corny” to one, may not be “corny” to the next, right?
One of my favorite things to do is read comment sections on gossip blogs. Last week, as I was going through NecoleBitchie‘s site I came across a post which featured BET’s Terrence J. He’s on the cover of the latest issue of Bleu Magazine with the tag line “The Millionaire Gentleman”. I didn’t particularly like the picture they chose for the cover, but all in all, I thought it was a good look, and I even posted about it at The Uptown Lounge. As I read through the comments on Necole’s post, the words that I saw more than any others were “corny” and “lame”. Those words have been thrown around in reference to guys like Terrence J and Nick Cannon for years (Drake is the latest addition to the corny crew.) But why? I’m sorry, but I just don’t get it. Is it the way they dress? Is it because they choose to smile more often than they choose to mean-mug a camera? Is it the fact that they speak as if they have a solid grasp on the English language? Is it because they’re respectful (for the most part)? I’ve never understood the concept of dating a guy who is all bad for you; one that unapologetically does the wrong things all of the time. All of the personality (or physicality…ahem.) in the world couldn’t change the fact that he’s a liar, or a cheater, or a lame. So what is the problem here? I think it’s deeper than we all care to truly admit.
I remember reading a piece by Demetria Lucas in the September issue of Essence Magazine about how big of a role style and perception play in our dating choices. They dressed the same guy up in 5 different outfits, and asked readers to choose which man they’d be most likely to date based off of his appearance (and subsequently the things his wardrobe choices said about him.) 45% of the women chose the “baller” (a guy dressed like he fell out of a hip-hop video) over the “banker” (well suited with tie and pocket square) the boho (think Common in the Come Close video) and the blue collar guy. I remember voting for the dude in the suit. But that’s just my preference. The guy dressed like this would get more of my (positive) attention than the guy dressed like this.
Now of course we know that clothes don’t make the man (I used those pictures for a reason.) You can definitely be a dirtbag in a suit. But what about the way he carries himself? Is he corny if he tells you that he misses you? Or would you brush him off as being too emotional, and date the guy that never tells you he loves you? Is he lame if he has a job that presents a positive example for other young men in the community? Or would you rather date the guy who has hustle after hustle, another chick or two on the side, and all of the “swag” in the world? The heart of the problem is, we’ve set our standards way too low, and that could be a part of the reason why so many of us find ourselves single or in relationships where we’re unhappy. Superficiality killed the relationship. Am I wrong?
Don’t get it twisted. I know as ladies, we’re attracted to strength and security, that’s fine. But there’s a difference between being strong and being dangerous. I’m over girls saying that nice guys are boring, and then complaining about their “edgy” guy who winds up hurting them. There’s got to be some sort of accountability for our actions. And I’m calling ALL of us on it right now. My hope is that you’d just seriously consider what’s really a non-starter, and what’s not. Let’s get our priorities together and chat later.
What do you guys think? Am I tripping or is there a connection between our personal preferences and standard of cool and our singledom? Let me know.